Wednesday, January 23, 2013

zzzzz.

too many stuffs making me stress !!!!! sabar jaa laa. sabar ja sma org2 sekeliling sa. biarpun se'bkin pnas mna pun. haisssssssss. kitai. yg teda2 pnya hal ba sa mw kcewa cm tai. biarlah. hahahajahaha. SABAR. hmmmm. ni smua cma msalah duniawi. just pray to God. surely God will help me. buat msa skrng sabar dan move on dlm semua hal budu2. i still have God by my side ba. okay. pduli la org2 sekeliling yg bkin pns. just forget and forgive them ;)

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Why must me.

I'm really tired of everything. Kana kasi fake hope jaaa baa. lau satu urang tida apa, ni brapa urg. pkir sa benda ka. aishhh. dari dulu lagi ohh bgini. fake hope jaaa. eee kamaaa budu btl ni jantan2 zman skrng. esehhmenn xD hahahaha. Biarlah, i dont trust guys anymore. Tlampau dilayan pun dikasi perasan seja. Tapi nothing will ever happen juga last2. Tus beberapa lama kemudian, pndai cari balik. tus bila dilayan balik tba2 tda kana layan bebulan2. aishhhh. kitai. hahaha. sepa suru sa budu kan. Tlampau sinang kana kasi budu. Tulah sa teda utak. I lost my trust to boys ohh. Sukar sudah sy mau percaya ni. Ntah laa. Mulai skrng, mana2 sms dari llki pun sa xmau layan. Kcuali abg/kazen/kwn. Mlas sudah sy kana kasi buduh2. Tida tahan ni. Tapi nda apaa la kaye. Maaf kan dorang saja la. I dont want to take any risk anymore, if there's any guy that wants to get close to me, i'll build a thick wall between us.Tapi kalau kwn nda la. Sa tdamau suka2 lelaki suda. Minat pun tdamau! Crush pun tdamau. eehh sama ja kan tu. walaupun yg hensem berabis ! Malas sudah sy kecewa ==" 

Saturday, January 05, 2013

life is hard.

life is really hard. My azam this year is study hard, get many A's on PMR, and dont fall in love. but when school re-opens, that feelings to him came back. i thought i already got over him. but i was wrong. damn wrong. haiss. Why??? why can't i get over him. He's nothing but a heart breaker ba! Adedahh. Seeing him at school just breaks my heart. i felt like i wanna cry again. i hate remembering what he did to me. Ohyaa, yesterday, i had diarrhea. and my stomach hurts so much. ==" then i got home early. bikin panas lagi tu cikgu anu hahahahha. biarla rasiah. tkt sa nti tba2 ada kes memaki cikgu d internet. hohohoho palis2. okay back to the story, then i spent most of my time in the toilet ==" that was the worst day of my life for 2013. then, i went to my room, then i remembered a book where i wrote bout all my feelings. i called that book the black book. hahaha. because it was black,it's more like a diary to me. then i read it. it's been a long time since i wrote that book. since last year. hahaha. When i read it, my heart start aching it's like i feel the same pain again for the second time. i had flashback. zzzz. then, i started crying again. !@#$%^&* stupid. but to be honest, it really hurts a lot. i hated him so much, but i cant stop loving him. i've never like anyone like i liked him before. the feelings is different from the rest. seriously, he isn't my type AT ALL. he's nothing near my type of guy. and honestly, nda hensem juga dia ;p ehehehe. ehh wait, ada la juga type dia that i like, he's kind and funny wakakakaka puihh la. I've made a decision to move on and stop thinking,stop hoping,stop stalking,stop everything. No more him. walaupun susah, but i'll try my best :D kalau mau move on dgn cari llki lain nda dapat tu. mmng tdk akan b'kesan buat gue. Haha. You know what, i tried to forget bout him for 2 whole months. Yg first2 cuti teruk. mau lupa dia knun, tapi tambah miss ada la. tapi beberapa hari kemudian i forgot bout him. punya happy holiday sa. langsung tdk pkir dia. tapi buka skul tus t'nmpk dia, second day la. zzzz. LEAVE THE PAST IN THE PAST baaa! kasi tinggal memory sedih sa d 2012 ! it's 2013 baby! no more him ! lupakan dia! jan lagi ambi tahu pasal dia ! leave him in your past ! act like you had never knew him ! hahaha. that's the best way ! when you see him act like u dont know him, see him as a fly. hahaha. Dia perasan diri dia tlampau hensem ba kali tu, tus dia mau kasi perassan2 sy, kasi2 sy fake hope yg tda pernah wujud. segalanya la. hahahaha. teruk ba gaya kau. teruk tahap gaban. kenapa la sy t'kenal org mcm kau. menyesal saya pernah kenal kau. kan bgs kalau sy tdk pernah kenal kau :) kalau tba2 satu hari dia t'nmpk atau t'baca ni sa pun tda tau ohh o.O hahahaha sorry laa sa ckp kau bgini, tetapi ini adalah kenyataan :D hehehehe. kau buat sy suka kau, kau buat sy gila bayang pasal kau, we started texting, then suddenly you called me syg walaupun teda apa2 hubungan, and i just go with it, so many thing happened la, tapi yg paling sy ingt, time sa badmood btl d kelas sbp ada urg sial bikin panas, d kelas mcm kau diam dan tngk gtu ja nmpk sy mara tu urg, mcm kau tdk peduli. tapi when i got back home from school, you texted me, kau tanhya sy badmood ka, tus sa kasitau kau la, tus u advice me. bnyk kata2 kau yg masi melekat d utak sy.  first time la sy dpt kwn lelaki mcm kau yg caring. kau tau ka, tu yg buat sy tambah syg/suka/gila bayang pasal kau. after that i gathered all my courage to say that i really like you, because i heard ur friends told me you like me. then when i told you, you said all that fuckin sweet words that made my heart melt. you made me think that we are already going out. but i was wrong rite ? very wrong. beberapa lama kemudian, bnyk perkara sudah terjadi, ada tu sy rasa lain2 sbp ada kwn kau ckp2 ma sa, then i ask you again "jadi kita betul2 jadi sudah ka" aishhh tus tba2 dia jwb "tda tau mungkin masi dlm percubaan" wtf. jadi haritu apa knun? !@#$%^&* lepas tu i just go along with that. we did text. but not much. but he keeps calling me syg. kitai. then beberapa lama kemudian lg, ntah apa lg tu terjadi tus sy tanya lagi, "sampai bila la dlm percubaan" dia jwb "lepas abis exam la,lepastu syg yg tentukan" okay tus sa jwb dia ntah apa suda tu sy lupa2 suda, tapi yg sa ingt sa ckp ma dia "saya tunggu kau" lepastu, abis suda exam, sy tanya dia lagi, dia tdk mau tba2, ZZZZZ ntah la. bnyk la knun alasan dia tu. tapi sa tda pcaya alasan dia, sy anggap dia tdk mau ja biarpun dia ckp "bkn saya tdamau tapi blablablabla.........." !@#$%^&* haisss. ancur ba hati sy. mcm maruah sy tercalar juga. tus urg salah paham lg kami suda jadi. terutamanya kwn2 dia, smpai la skrng, 2013 masi lagi ijik2 sy. sy ckup sabar suda. tapi sa ketawa2 ja. tapi lau satu hari sy hilang sbr, sa pun tdatau la, smpai bila2 sy tdk layan lg ohh. sy tda tahan ohh kana ijik2 nama dia. mcm mna sy mau lupakan dia lau bgtu? budu ba kwn2 dia ni. mmng budu. tdabaa, bkn budu dari segi pelajaran, budu dari segi jaga perasaan urg. drg tdk pndai paham. kwn2 dia pun la, tukang kasi persan pasal dia. kau tau ka, kau la lelaki yg paling susah sy mau lupakan. sbp kau la yg first yg bnyk memory sy ma kau. dari sejak sy blm suka kau lagi. bnyk ba kenangan yg siok ma kau. ketawa2, b'ijik2. good times. sbp sy ni bkn mcm prmpuan lain, yg skijap2 tukar2 boyfriend,yg  skijap2 b'dating2, b'pigang2 puihhh. drg terus ada good times with each other. kalau sy lain. tapi ntah knp sy pg ska kau. sy juga punya salah ba ni. terlampau bduh tahap anjing. pg kepsi tadi pun t'nmpk kau lagi zzzzzz. sial btl. soii. because of him, i rejected someone. sbp sy telampau masi mengharap. yg sbelum sy suka dia, senang2 sy suka urg lain. tapi after liking him and after everything with him, susah suda sy mau suka org lain. kau tau ka sengsara btl. sa gila bayang ba. malu ba sa mau taip ni d sni, tpi ntah knp mcm puas hati ni kalau luah d sini hohohohoh. waaa cm lega sikit sudah hati sy. hehe. now, i wanna try and open up my heart to someone else that deserve me and wont break my heart. but not now, when then time is rite barulah ngam.lgi pun azam sy dont fall in love with anyone kan. entah la, me and my cousin buat janji jgn kapel2 this year. i'll try to keep that promise. tapi mmng dpt tu. waaaa panjang ohh kan sy taip hewhew. apa buli buat. hahaa. woooooooooooo legaaaa. lupakan diaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. move on !! hehe, sa dapat tu! jan lagi waste ur time on him ! kau dapat tu! struggle PMR kau !! baaaa sa panat. bye :)